If you are here I’m picking that you, like me, are separated or divorced. Or possibly considering taking that step.

You might be elated, excited by your new-found freedom, and relieved at this moment arriving. You might be devastated, shaken with grief, shock, and disbelief and fear. You might feel angry, betrayed, furious that something like this could happen to you. You might be more than a little embarrassed – did this really just happen to you??

You might, like me, be a mixture of all of the above. 

Whatever the reason you’re here, I’m sure you are full of questions – and some trepidation. How will we parent our kids? Where can I get another fridge without going broke? What do I do with my downtime when he’s got the kids? What about new partners? Who gets the dog?  How do you start the lawn-mower? How many towels is a reasonable number to take?

I know this, because I’ve been you – I am you! And we are not alone. I am a lawyer, with separation as a specialty (yes, the irony is not lost on me – is he brave, stupid or both?) I have watched my clients walk this path time and time again. You would think this would have better prepared me for the moment when my husband of 16 years looked at me one day, and declared he was “done” (“done what?” I replied).  We had just moved towns, mere months before. I was suddenly alone, in a new town, with no friends or family, and two small children between us. 

While I knew the legal stuff, I struggled with the practical, and far more important questions around how to be me, instead of we. In the two years that followed, I have experienced the full range of goopy messy emotion while navigating my way through the new reality of life.  I have attempted to deal with this in various ways, including: sleepwalking my way through the initial shock filled haze, racing around the country to various different events, attempting to fall in love, working myself half to death…. the list goes on.  I recommend exactly zero of these approaches. 

So what does work? I don’t know. I DO know however that I felt pretty alone. There were plenty of people around me, but that didn’t help the feeling that I was somehow now a three headed monkey. There was mum me, work me, and this new other ‘me’ who I didn’t know what to do with. I wanted to stop being front page news, but equally wanted people who knew something of what I was going through…and still am!

There’s an old adage in gardening, for when a tree is transplanted. The tree, having been shocked by its change in circumstance, takes some time to grow, and then thrive: “first year sleeping, second year creeping, third year leaping”.  I’m not sure if we are leaping yet, but heck lets find out, shall we? And along the way we can grab a cuppa and have a giggle as the ridiculous circumstances that led us all to here. Maybe we can get you to ‘leaping’ at a faster rate, and with half the drama!

Thanks for joining me!